houstonxcubb

talked to a cousin today we talk a lot
he's going through a lot right now his
GF wanted a break from each other and it's
killing him...maybe i shouldn't about this on
here...i just hope every thing works out for them
but talking to him today has been different then
other times he talked about his gf as if she was
gone for ever...i hope they get back together
she's a very sweet and amazing girl but back to
where this had me thinking my cousin said something
that had me thinking? he said "it's like i'm empty
inside" now i know i know i haven't been in a relation-
ship in god now's how long...but it made me think?
i feel empty inside all the time i had chances to
with others but i chose not to be in a relationship
b/c of the fact that i'm not out...i need to change a
lot of things by the time i turn 21 witch is scary
b/c that's in 5weeks i'm scared b/c on the 13th that's
the DAY "THE DAY" when i let people know that I'm G
and i'm proud of it...but i know I'm gonna get shit on
by my parents and that sucks to think about b/c i love them
and the thought of them hating me for what i am is heart-
breaking my dad HATES gay's my mom thinks they go to hell
now i dont believe in that stuff i don't at all but the
the fact that if there is a hell makes me think wow
i'm gonna go to hell b/c my mom said gay's do...it's
hard to come out it is b/c i'm the only boy there's me and
my sister and i feel as if my dad want's me to go on
and carry his family name but i wont have a family.."kids"
at least but gosh this is really hard i'm scared if anyone
reads this please give me the inspiration to be strong
and dont be afraid of being who i am i just want to live
my life worry free without thinking to my self " oh no
what if my mom finds some of my gay stuff on the computer..."
it freaks me out and i dont want to feel that way as i sit here
i think about my friends my family there reactions...now
i wont be the first gay in my hole family we have a few
one lives up north but he never came out to his family or "Family"
but i just think to myself dang what if my friends think
i'm some guy that checks out every guy but in realty i dont
i have a "type" and i stick to it i would never hit on any of
my friends YUCK MAKES ME VOMIT i just hope there as open
as i am on the 13th i hope things go good...
wow i just notice this has to be the longest post i have ever
typed on any blog site well i'm gonna go

peace